Loving Life

This has certaintly been the best week in a long while. I am loving having Jeff home. I have not been watching my food choices as well as I usually would, but I am owning it, and will just do better tomorrow. And make sure I work out more.

But today was lovely, we went and found the perfect chair for our reading/living room - we actually got a chair in a half and ottoman, or at least we will it's going to take about 6 weeks to arrive since they had to order it, and we are doing a layaway so that we can take time to pay for it. And we can have more time to get that room in order.  And we went to the kitchen store and bought a mortar & pestal, some apple butter syrup, a bbq sauce and cutting boards. Followed by lunch out at Olive Garden.

Reunions

So happy to say that my husband is home! He got home Sunday afternoon, and we were able to suprise the boys are school on Monday. LOL! We were able to get a video of Jeff suprising the boys. It was wonderful....

 

Wow.. I am bad about writing.

I have been so busy with the house, and trying to get things done before Jeff gets home that I've forgotten to write on my blog.

Well so much as happened, Jeff is back in the states now. Got back Saturday. Will be home next week! Yay! We are insanely excited, or at least I am. Not sure where my boys stand. I think it will be quite a change for them.

But one I am whole heartedly looking forward too. Other than that not much has been going on. Hopefully I will be posting more from now on.

75 days and counting....

So we stand at 75 days until the hubs is home. I am SOOOO excited. I can't wait to see him again. I know the boys are missing thier daddy alot - even if they don't say it! But I sure hope I can manage to save some serious cash before he gets home so he can take extra time off from work. Heres hoping I can do it.

Well I am taking a break from working on the house... I think I can't do much more until I get some furniture on there. Well other than cleaning carpets... and it's too hot to go do that right now....

So excited... and yet NOT

I am so excited that Jeff will be home in less than 3 months. Yet at the same time I can't help but feel mad, because some of his unit will be home sooner. I don't begrudge them thier excitement, It's just a hard pill to swallow that Jeff will be in the last group of guys to come home.  But I guess this gives me more time to save money and more time to get our house in order.

Which -- bring me to more exciting stuff. I found a house to rent. YAY!!! Now we just need to move all our stuff in... it's a slow process but it's getting there. :)

Weight loss had been going good. I have been losing 2 punds a week. Which is insanely awesome. If I keep it up I will be done another 20lbs by the time Jeff gets home. Wahoo... Goal weight is between 140 and 160... but for now I am aiming to be under 200lbs by New years. I think I can do it!

Double digits...

Oh yeah this deployments countdown is FINALLY in the double digits. We have 98 days until the hubs is home again! I cannot wait. The boys can't wait. It has been a long 9 months. And we are anxious to get back out family routine. Now I jsut need to find us a house. Whether rental or not... we need a home of our own. Where Jeff and I can settle in with our boys and start making some new memories together post deployment!

In other news I am down a few pounds to 249lbs. So excited. I have almost lost 10% of my weight. It doens't seem like much but a year ago I was sitting large at 281 lbs, and while it is has taken time... and has been slow going for much of it, I think I have finaly found my grove and have realized that for me I have to track my food in a food journal. And that for the most part I need to be aware of how many calories I am consuming. Right now I am at 1680 calories a day for weight loss, and that has me losing a pound a week... I want it to be more but it won't be until I get in more activity. I need to seriously start working out during the day.

With that said I think I am going to start the C25K program ... a little skeptical about actually doing it, but I need to be commited to weight loss and a more active lifestyle.

Where have I been....

In my own little world, struggling... to lose weight, struggling to keep sane, struggling with my boys, struggling with the emotions and this deployment.

Weight loss has been so hard, keeping on track and following the rules of healthy eating is even harder. I am following weight watchers, and bought a Mytrak slim coach, a Wii fit... I HAVE ALL THE TOOLS... but I am just not using them -- and I need too -- So my goal is to get active and get eating better. Starting with surrouding myself with healthier foods. So I am have started to overhaul our eating habits and looking up healthier versions of our fave foods.

And I am going to keep the boys busy with the zoo, aquarium and parks. We have the Nelson Ledges 5 minutes from us... and as long as the weather is nice we will be there hiking. What a great way to get a workout and have fun.

Losing Weight is hard to do...

It really is, maybe for some it's not that hard. I mean the basic principles are easy, eat healthy and exercise more. I get... but for someone who has been overweight most of their life, it's sometimes hard to always eat healthier. Maybe that's what I love about Weight Watchers, you can still have the pizza and wings, but you learn to eat in moderation so that your not going over your points. And I am getting better with the exercise. And I guess that is where the Biggest Loser slim coach comes in, at the beginning of the day it is red, and when you've met your goals (you can go to their website and set them up) it turns green. Now I love watching it go from red to green. But this first week it's just learning my lifestyle it says. So I am hoping that next week it gets a bit harder to turn green so that I am pushing myself to be more active.

I have a goal. And I want to reach it. I know my hubby says he doesn't care how much weight I lose, but I do. I want to feel more confident in my body. And be more active for my kids.


So I am crazy excited... for years since I was little, I had a chipped tooth that got fixed, and since than it was been yellow. And for years I have wanted to get a veneer or something to fix it. Well I finally made an appointment with a dentist that does veneers, so monday I go for a normal cleaning and than Weds, I go for the veneer and the whitening, so that all my teeth match the veneer! YAY! I am sooo freaking excited.

It's killing me :(

This deployment is killing me... yeah okay, so maybe I don't let it show ofton. But it is. I miss Jeff terribly, it's getting harder and harder to do things without him. Sitting on the couch reading a book I just wish he was there to hold me while I read. Putting the boys to bed... wish he was here to kiss them good night, and to help comfort them when they are scared. While I love my boys, I love their father just as much. And the last 6 months literally feel like it's been forever since he left. Now I realize I may have seen him twice since leaving in Sept, but let me tell you that seeing your husband for a couple days here and a week at Christmas does not make anyone feel better.

So what brought this post on... a CD of pictures. Jeff has been lifting weights in Afghanistan, so I told him, purely for the reason of seeing the change... to send me some pics shirtless. So I got the CD yesterday, and seeing my shirtless hubby (OMG serious drool worthiness pictures) looking oohhh so good, has be missing him even more. But while I was looking at these pictures he is not smiling in very many of them. Actually I think he only smiled in one. And he sent us a video of his room... make me miss him even more still because I want to be in that room with him, or any room with him. I don't care where, I just WANT YO BE WITH HIM! Sitting there free to talk to him anytime I want and not just when he can call.

Whats worse is we aren't even sure WHEN he will be home. He have a kind of idea, but the unit has not told them a for sure when, supposedly they will be telling them when they will be coming home in a couple weeks. I HOPE!

Didn't make it to the gym...

But I did make it to home depot to buy mulch and garden soil, and than to target to get my Hubbys birthday present. I am gathering it all this week so I can send it to him early next week and hopefully he will get it by his birthday May 15th.

I will say that hauling 10 bags of soil and 5 bags of mulch feels like a workout. I may go for a bike ride in a bit. Even though it is insanely windy!

I also have been a little slack with keeping track of my WW points. So today I bought a bunch of smart ones for breakfast and lunch! Wahoo... that will take out the guess work for those two meals. Thank goodness, because I need to get back to losing good at a steady rate. Next on my agenda it to get in a very good workout! I think I am going to research and find a routine that will be the best workout for me.

Where the heck have I been...?

I have been going crazy. I have been busy, and I have been dealing with trying to get everything together and credit scores to where they need to be so that I can buy a house. I have found the house of my dreams, a cute little ranch with 3 bedrooms, and a 3 car garage on a little under 4 acres. I am hoping that scores will be raised and ready and this house will still be available. But for now, I am on a mission. A mission to save $10000 by Sept 1st. I have things set up to track my progress with our bank that is linked to the savings account, I have looked at what needs paid every month, and what doesn't and I think I can realisticly save $2000 a month.

Heres to hoping... things work out because man do I have plans. I have ideas on repurposing a couple dressers, one to be a TV stand, because I just can't find one that is what I want, and another to be an entryway bench with storage and coat hooks. I am so excited. I also have an old sewing table that is getting a new top to be either I side board or a laptop table. 

Really I just have so many ideas for my almost house that I am super excited. Especially since I an chomping at the bit to get my stuff out of storage and see what else I can repurpose... hehehe....

Just about half way...

YES YES YES.... we are just about half way through this deployment. I am so happy about that fact. The boys and I are hoping the next 6 months fly by so we can see Jeff again. Skype is one thing but I CANNOT wait to see him in person. I hate that he is missing so much of the boys lives... they are growing up so much... Jordon hasn't changed much since Jeff left, but Trent has. He really has... he is talking better (thanks so much in part to his speech therapy during pre-school) and he is learning so much. He can write his name and can count to 11 and is learning his ABC's. I am so proud of both boys and the things they are learning.

And I can't wait for Jeff to see the results of all my hard work at the gym and to see how all his hard work at the gym over at his FOB has panned out.

Shame on me...

For not posting here as much as I have wanted to. Life is so crazy sometimes. With warmer weather approaching, the boys and I have been so busy. Baseball season has started, well training has. And Jordon is excited. So am I. We have been riding our bicycles almost everyday. Jordon and I have been going for rides down the road almost everyday together, and it's really nice to have that time together. While Mom walks next to Trent on his bike - he can't quite keep up with JP and I... I think he will get better with time. He just needs more practice.

Oh well....

Bicycles...

So I promised my little boys that I would buy them new bicycles this year since we never managed to get them new ones last year. But in all the hoopla I decided to get myself a bicycle as well. Bough one off my Dads aunt... and after not riding a bike for 15 years, let me just say while I can ride forwards and straight I am rusty on turning and need a little more practice.

Although I did get to go on a nice ride with Jordon down the road today. It was so nice. Now he is planning a race. HA... I doubt that will happen. But I think we have a fun summer of biking ahead of us!

A new week, a new day

Mondays are my weigh in days. I weighed in at 255lbs, that is a 3 pound gain. Ahh... I have really been slacking in the tracking department. So I am vowing this week to get it back on track, since I am on track with going to the gym. I think this week I am going to hit the gym everyday except Weds. Because I am getting the car fixed and than going to go do my grocery shopping. Which is much easier when you make a menu and only buy what is needed for those weeks. And really be very dedicated to tracking my food and drink on weight watchers. So here we go to a week of weight loss (I HOPE) and seriously getting back on track. Since I want to keep losing weight and not gaining.

Oh man I am SORE!

My arms are so sore, it's insane. But I am thankful that they are. It means I did a good job yesterday at the gym. Although with this it makes me think that maybe I need to work out only 3 days a week for a week or two to get my self back in the game of things. But, I will definitely be going to the gym tomorrow to work out. Now I just need to stop snacking on those super yummy sourdough pretzels I have.

I also went and had my eyes checked because I have been getting headaches while driving. And wanted to make sure that my eyes weren't worse. But to my surprise they are a little better although I have astigmatisms in both eyes. Hmm... oh well. So I came home and ordered myself 3 new pairs of glasses, cause the were buy 2 get the 3rd free. Hehe!

Fitness... oh boy!

When I first joined the fitness center I was doing great, going 3 day a week and than I started going 5 days a week. Than Christmas came and it stopped. Now that the New Year is firmly behind us, I have been sporadic about heading to the gym... but seriously WHY? Cause I am lazy sometimes, I am demotivated. But today I made the decision that I seriously have to get off my ass (yes LITERALLY) and get to the gym 5 days a week again. I mean COME ON I have 100lbs to lose. That doesn't happen over night or miraculously.

I need to put in some serious hard work. I need to firm up my body, build some muscle.

So I am officially challenging myself, to come up with the PERFECT workout to get me in and out of the gym in less than an hour, while still giving me a good workout. So I can get home to talk to my husband when he undoubtedly will call around 10:30am my time.

So here I am laying it all out there... I weighed in at 252lbs on Monday, I want to get to 150lbs. That is a cool 102lbs. If I lose 2lbs a week it will take me 51 weeks to lose my 100lbs. <---- 1 year, that is daunting. But I am determined to make my 30's the best decade yet.

3 days...

I have not heard from Jeff in 3 days. Logically my head tells me that they are probably having issues with internet and phones again. But you cannot help but worry that something is wrong. I mean how can you not worry. He is in a freaking war zone. And had been calling everyday... at the same time. 

I am wondering when this will just get easier. Although I doubt it will. My life just is not complete with out him. I can have the best day with the boys, or doing one thing or another, and it just all comes crashing down when I lay down in bed at night. Our bed is lonely, doesn't matter how ofton the boys end up in it with me, is still doesn't fill the gap in my heart. But I do think I have gotten really good at faking happiness. Especially for the boys. I don't think they've seen me cry yet.

House hunting... SUCKS

It sucks and I think I am done for now. I have looked at a few and looked at a ton on the internet and I am just not finding anything I want or really feel compelled to go look at. So I am going to wait a few months, keep an eye on whats happening in the market and than go back out looking. But for now. I am done. I won't keep looking when there really isnt anything calling to me, and I really don't feel like settling.

What a day...

The day started off so promising, had plans to head to the West Side Market, and than it got worrisome. I read and heard about a shooting at Chardon high school and was immediately worried for my aunt and her two boys, they go to Chardon and was not sure of which grade they were in. Thank god they are fine.

Actually had a great time at the Market, so glad, got to talk to Jeff spent some time with Tee. Than I get home and got a phone call from the FRG leader of Jeff's unit. There was a incident, at one of the bases where the unit is stationed they were doing checks as people came in the gate, and there was a bomb thrown at them. 3 of the units soldiers are seriously hurt, now I know it was not Jeff, since I had talked to him and they had said that the families had already been notified. But it really puts a person on edge, and makes you realize just how dangerous it is over there.

SO please pray for Chardon High School students and the soldiers injured from Jeff's unit.

The Mundaneness of my life....

Sometimes I honestly feel like a failure. I haven't finished my degree, even though I am so freaking close I can practically taste it. I don't have my own house. Although I was perfectly happy renting until I had a stupid landlord that let our house get foreclosed on. And let me say I LOVED that house. OK there were things I wanted to replace and fix, but I loved the character of the house. I loved the yard and that the drive was big enough for all our family to visit Christmas and to have a big BBQ in the summer. We had a great deck on the back and front of the house. But.... it's not my house anymore and unfortunately we weren't able to buy the house. OH well...

Back on point. I feel like a failure alot of the time, and then I look at my two handsome sons and I realize that for all of my shortcomings and failures. I have done two very right things. My boys. I would not trade them for the world. And as crazy as they may be sometimes, I love them dearly.

So we were watching a show, I think it was 60 Minutes, and they were talking about plastic surgery, and some man paid $85000 to lengthen his limbs, his legs so he could be taller. How insane is that. Embrace the short!!!! Not that he was that short, I think they said he was now 6'2" and had grown 6 inches. Or Butt implants... ahh really. I think some people are crazy!!!!

A Long Weekend!

The boys have a long weekend off from school. No school today or Monday! How nice! I just love long weekends with the boys. I am always happy to send them back to school, but we have fun things to do this weekend. Like going to the Cleveland Aquarium with Julie-Mom. And making chicken paprikash with my moms cousin Debbie.

In house news... the North St house is OUT, an offer was made on it. There was a house in High St that was for sale by owner that I probably would have loved, but he wanted 10% down, and a balloon payment in 5 years. Nope that wouldn't do. So I keep looking, there has to be a house out there somewhere for us!

House Hunting?!?!

Oh boy, I am starting to house hunt. Today I looked at THREE houses (with the help of my Dad and Julie-mom). The very first house I was excited to see because the pictures showed this great wood work, fantastic lead windows, a pocket door even some decent old hard wood floors. What it didn't show were all the cracks in the walls, the broken window, the water damage, it didn't show the SMALLEST kitchen ever that has NO usable counter space. Needless to say the one that has the best back yard was the one that needed the most work.

The second house was a FLIP house, completely re-done inside. The kitchen cabinets are old but they look great, everything even the electric and plumbing have been re-done, it's got a great window seat in the downstairs bedroom (which is small), and a wonderful built in bookcase. And the landing upstairs in wonderful, I can see a comfy chair there for reading. But I just can't picture us living there, and maybe it's going to be one of those ones that I need to see something else and than come back and see it again and maybe I will feel differently.

The third house was a 1950's ish ranch home. I liked the all one floor living... I like the hard wood floors, and that their add on family room was huge with a wood burning. Although I worry that the boys would accidentally run into it. The rooms were a decent size, the lot was large, it was just a smidgen out of town. But at some point I would want to redo the kitchen, and update it a bit, which is the only thing I like about modern houses are the upgraded kitchens.

I love too cook. So part of me is waiting for the kitchen that I am going to LOVE and picture myself if all day. But I just haven't found it. But for now I will keep my eyes open and and in contact with my realtor. And I will find the house of my dreams. Hopefully before Jeff comes home from Afghanistan!

So hectic...

Sometimes life is just soo hectic and you don't know which way is which. My life has been a little bit like that. Sick kids, and better kids, than sick adults around and than my youngest goes and somehow hurts his knee. To the point where he can't walk on it, so off to the Doctor and than blood work and x-rays. Than guess what happens it swells! So the Dr says go to Rainbow Babies and Children's ER... we need an orthopedic Dr to look at it... great! Its one thing when you have your spouse to help deal with this, but when your sitting here alone with a 5 year old in pain, and the Dr is saying go to the ER. It FREAKS you out. And I couldn't call Jeff... there is NO calling him to talk me through my moment of panic. And than you realize you need to make sure the oldest is gotten off the bus and taken care of. And you of course scramble to think of a person willing to go with you to the hospital. Thank GOD, my dad was able to meet me there. And thank GOD that Trent only bruised up his bone and it wasn't serious.

Well...

You what is great about losing weight... getting smaller, except when that includes your fingers. Yep it seems losing almost 30 lbs over since the beginning of the year has caused my fingers to get skinnier. And as a result I HAD to get my wedding ring re-sized. I have worn that ring on my finger for 8 years, and I feel NAKED without. Absolutely naked. I can't wait to get it back but you know I won't get it back until Valentines day. Huh... great.

So glad Valentines day is a weekday this year, I can just pretend it doesn't exist, not that Jeff and I ever really do anything for it, but I don't really want to see other couples all happy and together. The together part especially.

OMG... Snacking...

Oh man am I snacking alot today. Thank goodness I have managed to stay within my points but jeez. Where on earth is my self control?!?!? Oh yeah lost it somewhere in the hustle and bustle of the day. I don't think the weekend is going to be any better! Not with my anti-super bowl food and going up to my very favorite restaurant Smokey Bones! YUMMO....

But in very happy new, I have talked to Jeff the last two mornings. WOOHOO.... But I saw something about Obama wanting all the troops out of Afghanistan in 2013. And I am wondering how this will affect the troops already there and the troops slated to replace the ones there once their tour is up.

IE: Does my husband get to come home on time, home early, or have to stay longer?!?!? I am very concerned. But I will try to keep my thoughts on him being there for the 9 months the Commander said in the beginning. And we will deal with the rest as it comes. Just like everything else in life.

Well Blog land I am going to sleep now, I have an early morning!

Incomunicado... it sucks!

My husband is out of contact, because of a mission. I despise missions. Which really is stupid since he is there to perform these missions. See I told you all that I was getting spoiled by being able to communicate with him so much before, and now that I am our of contact for a few days I am going nuts. Hmm... not good. At least I am not crying all the time anymore. Thank goodness. Gets hard to hide the fact. I HAVE to be positive for my boys. They are looking to me to see how to handle this all. And I am writing my frustrations out on this blog.

Oh well... He will call when he can call and I will put my thoughts elsewhere... like sleeping maybe. It is 11pm at night!

So good night all!

Weight Watcher ROCKS!

Or maybe I do on weight watchers! I have lost 7 lbs in 3 weeks and I am super freaking excited about it. Let me just say that since March I have been working on losing weight, I really did it half assed until October when I joined the gym. I had been going up and down, and than I went down more and up a bit, but I am loving seeing the DOWN...  Right now I am averaging 2.33 lbs a week, if I continue in this fashion I will lose 74 lbs by November. Which would put me at 180lbs! That is a perfect weight to be when Jeff gets home. Maybe even smaller if I really kick it into super high gear. But I so don't want to be unrealistic in my goals. I might just be happy to be under 200lbs, and work my way smaller than that.

But for now, little goals. I want to get to the spot where I have lost 10% of my weight! Which is 247lbs.

Wish me luck!

Yeah... No!

OK, so went down the road where the house is for rent the other day, since there was an over sized load on the road stopped. All I have to say is yeah no! The house looks fine, the property fine, the area of the road it is on, and where on the road it is... yup nope. I wouldn't feel comfortable living there with must me and the boys. Not after I saw two teenagers walking down the road looking thuggish... which really come one people we live in the COUNTRY... this is farm area, not the CITY!!!

Which sends me into this rant... why the hell do boys were their pants so damn baggy that they are handing off their ass. Especially in the winter! Jesus, buy a pair of pants that fit properly... and shame on those parents for not buying their children some proper jeans. I know one parent in particular that has taken it in her own hands to make sure her son doesn't have baggy fall down pants. More parents should do the same. Some of these kids could be great kids, but who is going to know that when all we see are their underwear!

To Rent or Not!, and buy later... ?

So I found a house on a nearby road that is for sale or rent. I called and asked about it... I am pondering. I am grateful to my mom and step dad for letting us stay here, but I am feeling a little reined in. Let alone I am really wanting my things around me things that Jeff and I had picked out together to make a home... It makes me feel closer to him. But I am torn on if I want to go look at it and maybe rent this house, it could be something we look into buying later. Granted it only has two bedrooms, but there is this crazy thing called additions... and it has 2.17 acres. That'd be AWESOME! I just don't know what to do.

And would he even consider us to rent it even though our credit isn't were it needs to be?!?! Hmmm just don't know... I sent the link to Jeff... and we'll see what he says.

Tired, tired, tired

It seems I am unable to sleep through the night lately, I woke up several times last night and each time I had trouble going back to sleep.  Very sucky... Oh well and than I wake up earlier than usual because Jeff has been calling in the mornings and guess who's not calling or online. JEFF! I am sure he's busy and that's fine but sheesh I could have used that extra 20 minutes.

SICK KIDS... so i got a call yesterday from the school. Jordon was sent to the nurses office with PINK EYE... ahhh so just as I'm heading to get Trent from school and to take him to story time at the library, I have to go get Jordon and miss story time with Trent, but there was no way I was going to take Jordon in there with his pink eye. So today we have to go get his prescription than I am coming home and washing the bedding, so that it doesn't spread. I guess while I am at it I will finish laundry.

And since I have to keep Jordon home from school until his eye is better, I also have to forgo the gym. I guess I will just have to figure out which parts of my routine I can do at home (with Jeff's dumbbells I got him for Christmas). And what I am going to substitute in place of the elliptical.

Feeling In Control...

I am feeling good! I downloaded a new app on my cell phone JEFIT, it is generally used for people who need a workout to bulk up, but see I want to build up muscle but also to lose weight. So I created a nice little workout that I am pretty excited to be doing.

Today I did some cardio, and worked out my triceps and chest. Was a good workout, you pick the weight and reps and than use the timer for a 60 sec rest period. I can't wait to see the results down the road.

I am really feeling like this might just be a great year for me. Minus Jeff not being home but I am finally really taking control of my weight and health. Speaking of health, I had an appointment with the Doctor today to have a physical. All went well, drew some blood to check thyroid and a few other things, since according to their scale I have only lost 13 lbs since June. While that's not bad I just wish it had been more, but since June I have lost 26lbs. Once again I wish it were more but it's really not bad.

So we will see what the blood test say but either way I will be working on this and getting myself fit so that when Jeff is home again, he has a more active wife!

Blah...

It is no secret that I love a lazy Sunday. I love them with a passion, enjoyed just sitting and watching TV with Jeff and the boys and playing games, maybe going out to the store or lunch. But they just are not the same when Jeff isn't here.

I am not loving my lazy Sunday. In fact I am feeling blah, and quite sad. Wishing and hoping that Jeff is all right on this mission.

MUCH LATER... Ahh I am feeling better, had a nice lunch with my friend and Jeff called. Mission over it was nice and un-eventful. It was nice to have some time away, and it was nice to talk to Jeff even if it was brief.

Oh well off to finish the laundry!

News

I don't watch the news for one simple fact... I don't want to hear anything about the Military or Afghanistan.

But I can't stop others from watching and me hearing it if I walk by, like today I was walking by and I heard the man on the news say military. So what do I do, I get on the Internet and search for all recent things related to the military hoping beyond hope that I don't see anything related to Afghanistan.

Thankfully I didn't. But it had me thinking on why I get so obsessed about it? Maybe I am just wanting confirmation that North Afghanistan is not as dangerous as the South? Maybe I just need to reassure myself that Jeff's name is no where typed in cyber world and attached to a bombing or attack in Afghanistan. Or the base he is at hasn't been attacked. Just one of the many ways I can make myself crazy during the day.

Lonely, but not alone...

How is it that a person can be lonely, but not alone? I think it's easy, there are 3 other adults in this house besides myself, but when the one person you love the most is away, I don't think it matters how many other people are around. I am just lonely without Jeff, especially in the quiet early morning and at night after the boys go to bed.

I really cannot wait for this deployment to be over. And hopefully before it is, I will have bought me and the family a house. We need a house. I love my mom, but I am missing my furniture, my big hand me down chair that I can just curl up into, or my couch that we sink into but it is oh soo cozy. I just miss my stuff and my own space. And all my kitchen gadgets.

I know it's trivial to miss things but I do. I miss my things. I want to make a home for my boys, and decorate their rooms again. I want a home where when Jeff comes home he can have a space all his own so that he can relax and just enjoy being home.

Hopefully, come spring/summer I can start looking for a house definitely don't want to move in winter, haven't done it yet and won't start now.

The hard truth...

So here is the hard truth... I am an EMOTIONAL eater. When I am sad, I eat, when I am bored - whoa I eat. I think that in recognizing our faults we take control of them. Or at least I hope we do. Because that is what I am trying to do. Take control of my eating, my health and my life.

On that note I am thinking of calling my Dr's office and scheduling a physical. I think I need to know where exactly my health stands at so that I can properly tackle it this year while Jeff is away. I truly do want to make my 30's the best years yet.

I've got this handsome husband and I feel I do him a discredit by not trying to be the best and healthiest me possible. And I feel I am doing my kids a disservice as well. Not to mention how much better my life will be when I am in shape, more active and know how to eat better but still enjoy the yummy food that I've always enjoyed.

So here is my goal. Right now I weigh 257 lbs, I want to get to 150 lbs.  For a difference of 107 lbs, now I am realistic, I DO NOT expect to lose 100 lbs in the span of  9-10 (which is when we expect Jeff back in the states) But I want to at least be down to 180ish by the time he gets home... because thats where I was when we first started dating.

I think my 30's are going to be great, I think that starting them off by getting healthy and learning new habits is going to be great. I cannot wait. So I am going to get dressed for the gym and than go do an awesome workout while my little men are at school.

Have a great day!

Coughing, coughing and more COUGHING!!!!

My youngest son Trent had pneumonia over the summer... and since than he has a recurring cough. It comes it goes and it comes back again. Two weeks ago I took him to the pediatrician because his ear hurt - he never complains about anything hurting unless he falls. So I take him in and tell than that his ear was hurting and that he has a cough again, we get an antibiotic, and a prescription for singular, thinking maybe it's his allergies. Nope, his cough is worse. It's keeping me up, it's causing him to have a very restless sleep.

Something has got to be done! So I am once again going to call the pediatrician and take him in. Hopefully we will come out with some real answers and some real relief for him. So that mommy can get some good sleep and not have to worry about him and this cough!

Super Excited...

Today is gonna be great, wanna know why? I have already lost 4 pounds since I joined weight watchers. I am just feeling so empowered and in control. Can't wait till I toss in some exercise and really get thins going. 

And we are going bowling today... The school sent home a little slip from the bowling alley about bringing kids bowling , so I called made a reservation and we are going bowling and having lunch at the alley, so I am planning my points around that today.

Also I figured i would do this now since Jeff sent a facebook message saying he was gonna have dinner and than skype me, I can't wait to tell him about my weight loss. WOOHOO!

Ahh, a phone call...

So Jeff called and made me feel a ton better. I can't tell you how much it calms me to talk to him, even just to say. But we had a nice little chat. He is in a transistion spot, and waiting to head to his final camp. But thats doesn't matter at the moment, just knowing he is okay is.

Well thats it for now. Have to go prepare for movie night! I wonder what we will watch!

Have a safe and happy weekend!

Would I know?

I slept like crap last night... because I couldn't get out of my head this one question. Would I know if Jeff got hurt, would I feel some pain or panic at him not being okay? He is my love, my soul mate! I would hope I'd know, but maybe not.. because than I would be sitting and waiting for someone to show or the phone to ring... ahhhhh. Or maybe I am just obsessing about it because they moved down into Afghanistan already and I haven't talked to him since Wednesday.

See I knew I was getting spoiled with all the contact, and now I have none and I am freaking. Of course he is probably super busy.

Oh well onto the day! Have things I want to do, and places I want to be!

Getting healthy, losing weight

So I have been working on losing weight, for a few months now I have been trying to eat healthy and exercise, but you know it just wasn't doing what i wanted it to. So I have made the decision to join Weight Watchers online, I had joined before and lost weight with just watching my points. So I figure that with weight watchers and exercise than I should be good.

I hope to be at a healthy and comfortable weight by the time Jeff gets home from Afghanistan. Heres to hoping!

I love you

So many people take for granted saying  I love you. They sometimes just casually say it, I think if you utter those words you need to truly mean it.

I know I love my husband, but sometimes when he would say I love you I would say "I know" than go on with my business. I know he loves me but I hadn't thought about how much it means to hear it said back. So know I say I love you ALOT... Maybe it's because life is life and you never know what can happen especially when one is deployed to a war zone, but I feel like I need to make sure that he knows that I love him, always and forever. So I say it , I post it, I email it. I figure those are the best words to make him know I care and I miss him and will be here when he comes home.

So for the world to see

I LOVE YOU JEFFREY! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Spoiled, still?

I am beginning to think I am spoiled... I have been able to talk to Jeffrey quite a bit the last two days since he got to Kyrgyzstan. And I am trying my darnedest not to get too used to the frequency and length in which we've talked or IM'd each other. Because I know that that will not be the case for the whole deployment. Wish it was but come on, it's a war zone and he will have work to do, and i wouldn't want him shirking any responsibility just to chat with me and make me feel better.

So in crappy news, my car broke down this morning. Just stopped engine ran , but it didn't move. I got out and saw what I thought was a trail of oil... oh no it turned out to be transmission fluid, the transmission CRACKED.... eeks. That's an expensive repair $3200 buck a rooneys to be exact. Now though it seems I've got a fairy godmother that has graciously paid for the repair and I will be repaying this person back. (Family know who it is but I don't feel comfortable saying their name on the web)... But I SO very much appreciate it.

Oh well I have got to get some sleep and i really want to cuddle the shirt I sprayed Jeff's cologne on.... Helps me sleep better.

Time

Sometimes I take time for granted. Thinking I have all the time in the world. Well I don't have all the time in the world to talk to Jeff... he is currently 11 hours ahead of my time zone. So while it's early morning here it's 5:30 PM there. When I skyped with him yesterday it was almost midnight in Kyrgyzstan and I was just getting around to eating lunch.

This time difference is going to be insane, thankfully Afghanistan is only 9 1/2 hours ahead of us. Thats a little better.

But unless he stays up later or calls us earlier here (which unless they've got nothing to do won't happen) when is he going to be able to talk to the boys?

AH-HA maybe I will create a YouTube account  --- a private  one --- and we can post videos there for each other to see and for the boys if we miss each other on skype.

Our Family...

Every year since our boys were babies we have taken a Christmas photo, this year I was afraid that wouldn't happen. Turns out though that the unit pulled some strings and gave everyone a pass to come home for Christmas, so I got my Christmas picture this year as well. So happy about that!

So back in April 2011 our landlord told us the duplex we were renting was in foreclosure and we had until May 15th to move out. Totally sucked ass, since we were preparing for this deployment and at the time thought he was going to be leaving in July. Well we tried to find another house to rent, but it just didn't work out and we weren't prepared to buy a house, so we moved into my mom and step-dads house. The boys and I share a room, formerly the dinning room because this old farmhouse is huge but only has TWO BEDROOMS. Isn't that insane, it has a 24 by 15 foot living room and only two bedrooms. Thank goodness my boys had bunk beds! I don't mind sharing the space.


My dilemma is if I should put Jeff's clothes away in storage or if I should keep them out? I had them put away, but I feel like I am erasing him from our lives if there is no sign of his stuff. It's just so crazy!


The happy thing for the day was was that I got a facebook message from him this morning saying he was in Kyrgyzstan. And that they would be there for a few days but that to turn on skype because he would try to call later. Let me tell you I didn't think I would hear from him for a week, but was so happy to hear from him today!


Just so we know my emotions are all over the place, I breakdown when no one is around. Every time I am alone, I am crying. I refuse to get upset in from of my boys they are 7 and 5 years old, they so do not need that. I figure give me a few weeks and I will be dealing with this better. I think I am still reeling over he was just home for Christmas and went back to Mississippi January 2nd. Maybe if he hadn't been home than I would be better and not crying all the time. Who knows maybe I just need to keep busy. Couldn't hurt!


There are days where I wish I had my own house or apartment and could just be and do whatever I wished. Then there are days where I don't. But for now I will save money and work on getting our credit where it needs to be so that I can buy a house this summer. I am determined to be a home owner before the 2012/2013 school year starts in August, my children need a stable home, and I was a house for Jeff to come home to where he can just enjoy our family. Wishing that some how it would just happen for us, but I live in the real world and other people don't just buy you a house. It would be nice though!

An intro, a flight, and rambling

My name is Katie, my husband has been in the National Guard for 10 years. We have been married for eight years. A month after our wedding he left for his first deployment. To Iraq, at that point I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. That deployment seems so far away  now. This is our second deployment. For the last three months he has been training stateside at Camp Shelby and I have been at home with our two sons. I will not say it has been easy, but it was not as hard as I thought, but then again I could talk and text him everyday, except for that two weeks when he was in California at NTC (National Training Center).

Looking back the last three months have flown by. It didn't seem so at the time. I can only hope that the next 9 months will fly by.

Today, January 7th 2012, he left Mississippi for Afghanistan. I am barely holding it together. But as is my rule I will not cry in front of our sons. This will be hard enough for them, they don't need mommy breaking down. I talked to him this morning as they were waiting to board a plane... one thinks of waiting at the airport gate, this is not so for Active duty military waiting to go overseas for deployment, they waited in the airplane hangar, not chairs, just the cold cement floor. Granted I suppose it wouldn't help seeing hundreds of men and women in uniform with their guns, waiting to board a plane, but I don't necessarily think it's fair to them. They are after all protecting our country, freedom and lives.


I am not sure why I am writing this, but so far out of all the deployment books I've seen, I haven't seen one that I truly connect with. Most are written by active duty military wives, which normally I am not. Like I said Jeff is in the National Guard. Although I don't think the term "weekend warriors" is befitting of what my husband puts into this position as Staff Sergeant in the 237th BSB. There are times that he brings home papers to fill out, and is constantly on the phone with people above and below him. It is not just a one weekend a month and two weeks a year job.