Incomunicado... it sucks!

My husband is out of contact, because of a mission. I despise missions. Which really is stupid since he is there to perform these missions. See I told you all that I was getting spoiled by being able to communicate with him so much before, and now that I am our of contact for a few days I am going nuts. Hmm... not good. At least I am not crying all the time anymore. Thank goodness. Gets hard to hide the fact. I HAVE to be positive for my boys. They are looking to me to see how to handle this all. And I am writing my frustrations out on this blog.

Oh well... He will call when he can call and I will put my thoughts elsewhere... like sleeping maybe. It is 11pm at night!

So good night all!

Weight Watcher ROCKS!

Or maybe I do on weight watchers! I have lost 7 lbs in 3 weeks and I am super freaking excited about it. Let me just say that since March I have been working on losing weight, I really did it half assed until October when I joined the gym. I had been going up and down, and than I went down more and up a bit, but I am loving seeing the DOWN...  Right now I am averaging 2.33 lbs a week, if I continue in this fashion I will lose 74 lbs by November. Which would put me at 180lbs! That is a perfect weight to be when Jeff gets home. Maybe even smaller if I really kick it into super high gear. But I so don't want to be unrealistic in my goals. I might just be happy to be under 200lbs, and work my way smaller than that.

But for now, little goals. I want to get to the spot where I have lost 10% of my weight! Which is 247lbs.

Wish me luck!

Yeah... No!

OK, so went down the road where the house is for rent the other day, since there was an over sized load on the road stopped. All I have to say is yeah no! The house looks fine, the property fine, the area of the road it is on, and where on the road it is... yup nope. I wouldn't feel comfortable living there with must me and the boys. Not after I saw two teenagers walking down the road looking thuggish... which really come one people we live in the COUNTRY... this is farm area, not the CITY!!!

Which sends me into this rant... why the hell do boys were their pants so damn baggy that they are handing off their ass. Especially in the winter! Jesus, buy a pair of pants that fit properly... and shame on those parents for not buying their children some proper jeans. I know one parent in particular that has taken it in her own hands to make sure her son doesn't have baggy fall down pants. More parents should do the same. Some of these kids could be great kids, but who is going to know that when all we see are their underwear!

To Rent or Not!, and buy later... ?

So I found a house on a nearby road that is for sale or rent. I called and asked about it... I am pondering. I am grateful to my mom and step dad for letting us stay here, but I am feeling a little reined in. Let alone I am really wanting my things around me things that Jeff and I had picked out together to make a home... It makes me feel closer to him. But I am torn on if I want to go look at it and maybe rent this house, it could be something we look into buying later. Granted it only has two bedrooms, but there is this crazy thing called additions... and it has 2.17 acres. That'd be AWESOME! I just don't know what to do.

And would he even consider us to rent it even though our credit isn't were it needs to be?!?! Hmmm just don't know... I sent the link to Jeff... and we'll see what he says.

Tired, tired, tired

It seems I am unable to sleep through the night lately, I woke up several times last night and each time I had trouble going back to sleep.  Very sucky... Oh well and than I wake up earlier than usual because Jeff has been calling in the mornings and guess who's not calling or online. JEFF! I am sure he's busy and that's fine but sheesh I could have used that extra 20 minutes.

SICK KIDS... so i got a call yesterday from the school. Jordon was sent to the nurses office with PINK EYE... ahhh so just as I'm heading to get Trent from school and to take him to story time at the library, I have to go get Jordon and miss story time with Trent, but there was no way I was going to take Jordon in there with his pink eye. So today we have to go get his prescription than I am coming home and washing the bedding, so that it doesn't spread. I guess while I am at it I will finish laundry.

And since I have to keep Jordon home from school until his eye is better, I also have to forgo the gym. I guess I will just have to figure out which parts of my routine I can do at home (with Jeff's dumbbells I got him for Christmas). And what I am going to substitute in place of the elliptical.

Feeling In Control...

I am feeling good! I downloaded a new app on my cell phone JEFIT, it is generally used for people who need a workout to bulk up, but see I want to build up muscle but also to lose weight. So I created a nice little workout that I am pretty excited to be doing.

Today I did some cardio, and worked out my triceps and chest. Was a good workout, you pick the weight and reps and than use the timer for a 60 sec rest period. I can't wait to see the results down the road.

I am really feeling like this might just be a great year for me. Minus Jeff not being home but I am finally really taking control of my weight and health. Speaking of health, I had an appointment with the Doctor today to have a physical. All went well, drew some blood to check thyroid and a few other things, since according to their scale I have only lost 13 lbs since June. While that's not bad I just wish it had been more, but since June I have lost 26lbs. Once again I wish it were more but it's really not bad.

So we will see what the blood test say but either way I will be working on this and getting myself fit so that when Jeff is home again, he has a more active wife!

Blah...

It is no secret that I love a lazy Sunday. I love them with a passion, enjoyed just sitting and watching TV with Jeff and the boys and playing games, maybe going out to the store or lunch. But they just are not the same when Jeff isn't here.

I am not loving my lazy Sunday. In fact I am feeling blah, and quite sad. Wishing and hoping that Jeff is all right on this mission.

MUCH LATER... Ahh I am feeling better, had a nice lunch with my friend and Jeff called. Mission over it was nice and un-eventful. It was nice to have some time away, and it was nice to talk to Jeff even if it was brief.

Oh well off to finish the laundry!

News

I don't watch the news for one simple fact... I don't want to hear anything about the Military or Afghanistan.

But I can't stop others from watching and me hearing it if I walk by, like today I was walking by and I heard the man on the news say military. So what do I do, I get on the Internet and search for all recent things related to the military hoping beyond hope that I don't see anything related to Afghanistan.

Thankfully I didn't. But it had me thinking on why I get so obsessed about it? Maybe I am just wanting confirmation that North Afghanistan is not as dangerous as the South? Maybe I just need to reassure myself that Jeff's name is no where typed in cyber world and attached to a bombing or attack in Afghanistan. Or the base he is at hasn't been attacked. Just one of the many ways I can make myself crazy during the day.

Lonely, but not alone...

How is it that a person can be lonely, but not alone? I think it's easy, there are 3 other adults in this house besides myself, but when the one person you love the most is away, I don't think it matters how many other people are around. I am just lonely without Jeff, especially in the quiet early morning and at night after the boys go to bed.

I really cannot wait for this deployment to be over. And hopefully before it is, I will have bought me and the family a house. We need a house. I love my mom, but I am missing my furniture, my big hand me down chair that I can just curl up into, or my couch that we sink into but it is oh soo cozy. I just miss my stuff and my own space. And all my kitchen gadgets.

I know it's trivial to miss things but I do. I miss my things. I want to make a home for my boys, and decorate their rooms again. I want a home where when Jeff comes home he can have a space all his own so that he can relax and just enjoy being home.

Hopefully, come spring/summer I can start looking for a house definitely don't want to move in winter, haven't done it yet and won't start now.

The hard truth...

So here is the hard truth... I am an EMOTIONAL eater. When I am sad, I eat, when I am bored - whoa I eat. I think that in recognizing our faults we take control of them. Or at least I hope we do. Because that is what I am trying to do. Take control of my eating, my health and my life.

On that note I am thinking of calling my Dr's office and scheduling a physical. I think I need to know where exactly my health stands at so that I can properly tackle it this year while Jeff is away. I truly do want to make my 30's the best years yet.

I've got this handsome husband and I feel I do him a discredit by not trying to be the best and healthiest me possible. And I feel I am doing my kids a disservice as well. Not to mention how much better my life will be when I am in shape, more active and know how to eat better but still enjoy the yummy food that I've always enjoyed.

So here is my goal. Right now I weigh 257 lbs, I want to get to 150 lbs.  For a difference of 107 lbs, now I am realistic, I DO NOT expect to lose 100 lbs in the span of  9-10 (which is when we expect Jeff back in the states) But I want to at least be down to 180ish by the time he gets home... because thats where I was when we first started dating.

I think my 30's are going to be great, I think that starting them off by getting healthy and learning new habits is going to be great. I cannot wait. So I am going to get dressed for the gym and than go do an awesome workout while my little men are at school.

Have a great day!

Coughing, coughing and more COUGHING!!!!

My youngest son Trent had pneumonia over the summer... and since than he has a recurring cough. It comes it goes and it comes back again. Two weeks ago I took him to the pediatrician because his ear hurt - he never complains about anything hurting unless he falls. So I take him in and tell than that his ear was hurting and that he has a cough again, we get an antibiotic, and a prescription for singular, thinking maybe it's his allergies. Nope, his cough is worse. It's keeping me up, it's causing him to have a very restless sleep.

Something has got to be done! So I am once again going to call the pediatrician and take him in. Hopefully we will come out with some real answers and some real relief for him. So that mommy can get some good sleep and not have to worry about him and this cough!

Super Excited...

Today is gonna be great, wanna know why? I have already lost 4 pounds since I joined weight watchers. I am just feeling so empowered and in control. Can't wait till I toss in some exercise and really get thins going. 

And we are going bowling today... The school sent home a little slip from the bowling alley about bringing kids bowling , so I called made a reservation and we are going bowling and having lunch at the alley, so I am planning my points around that today.

Also I figured i would do this now since Jeff sent a facebook message saying he was gonna have dinner and than skype me, I can't wait to tell him about my weight loss. WOOHOO!

Ahh, a phone call...

So Jeff called and made me feel a ton better. I can't tell you how much it calms me to talk to him, even just to say. But we had a nice little chat. He is in a transistion spot, and waiting to head to his final camp. But thats doesn't matter at the moment, just knowing he is okay is.

Well thats it for now. Have to go prepare for movie night! I wonder what we will watch!

Have a safe and happy weekend!

Would I know?

I slept like crap last night... because I couldn't get out of my head this one question. Would I know if Jeff got hurt, would I feel some pain or panic at him not being okay? He is my love, my soul mate! I would hope I'd know, but maybe not.. because than I would be sitting and waiting for someone to show or the phone to ring... ahhhhh. Or maybe I am just obsessing about it because they moved down into Afghanistan already and I haven't talked to him since Wednesday.

See I knew I was getting spoiled with all the contact, and now I have none and I am freaking. Of course he is probably super busy.

Oh well onto the day! Have things I want to do, and places I want to be!

Getting healthy, losing weight

So I have been working on losing weight, for a few months now I have been trying to eat healthy and exercise, but you know it just wasn't doing what i wanted it to. So I have made the decision to join Weight Watchers online, I had joined before and lost weight with just watching my points. So I figure that with weight watchers and exercise than I should be good.

I hope to be at a healthy and comfortable weight by the time Jeff gets home from Afghanistan. Heres to hoping!

I love you

So many people take for granted saying  I love you. They sometimes just casually say it, I think if you utter those words you need to truly mean it.

I know I love my husband, but sometimes when he would say I love you I would say "I know" than go on with my business. I know he loves me but I hadn't thought about how much it means to hear it said back. So know I say I love you ALOT... Maybe it's because life is life and you never know what can happen especially when one is deployed to a war zone, but I feel like I need to make sure that he knows that I love him, always and forever. So I say it , I post it, I email it. I figure those are the best words to make him know I care and I miss him and will be here when he comes home.

So for the world to see

I LOVE YOU JEFFREY! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Spoiled, still?

I am beginning to think I am spoiled... I have been able to talk to Jeffrey quite a bit the last two days since he got to Kyrgyzstan. And I am trying my darnedest not to get too used to the frequency and length in which we've talked or IM'd each other. Because I know that that will not be the case for the whole deployment. Wish it was but come on, it's a war zone and he will have work to do, and i wouldn't want him shirking any responsibility just to chat with me and make me feel better.

So in crappy news, my car broke down this morning. Just stopped engine ran , but it didn't move. I got out and saw what I thought was a trail of oil... oh no it turned out to be transmission fluid, the transmission CRACKED.... eeks. That's an expensive repair $3200 buck a rooneys to be exact. Now though it seems I've got a fairy godmother that has graciously paid for the repair and I will be repaying this person back. (Family know who it is but I don't feel comfortable saying their name on the web)... But I SO very much appreciate it.

Oh well I have got to get some sleep and i really want to cuddle the shirt I sprayed Jeff's cologne on.... Helps me sleep better.

Time

Sometimes I take time for granted. Thinking I have all the time in the world. Well I don't have all the time in the world to talk to Jeff... he is currently 11 hours ahead of my time zone. So while it's early morning here it's 5:30 PM there. When I skyped with him yesterday it was almost midnight in Kyrgyzstan and I was just getting around to eating lunch.

This time difference is going to be insane, thankfully Afghanistan is only 9 1/2 hours ahead of us. Thats a little better.

But unless he stays up later or calls us earlier here (which unless they've got nothing to do won't happen) when is he going to be able to talk to the boys?

AH-HA maybe I will create a YouTube account  --- a private  one --- and we can post videos there for each other to see and for the boys if we miss each other on skype.

Our Family...

Every year since our boys were babies we have taken a Christmas photo, this year I was afraid that wouldn't happen. Turns out though that the unit pulled some strings and gave everyone a pass to come home for Christmas, so I got my Christmas picture this year as well. So happy about that!

So back in April 2011 our landlord told us the duplex we were renting was in foreclosure and we had until May 15th to move out. Totally sucked ass, since we were preparing for this deployment and at the time thought he was going to be leaving in July. Well we tried to find another house to rent, but it just didn't work out and we weren't prepared to buy a house, so we moved into my mom and step-dads house. The boys and I share a room, formerly the dinning room because this old farmhouse is huge but only has TWO BEDROOMS. Isn't that insane, it has a 24 by 15 foot living room and only two bedrooms. Thank goodness my boys had bunk beds! I don't mind sharing the space.


My dilemma is if I should put Jeff's clothes away in storage or if I should keep them out? I had them put away, but I feel like I am erasing him from our lives if there is no sign of his stuff. It's just so crazy!


The happy thing for the day was was that I got a facebook message from him this morning saying he was in Kyrgyzstan. And that they would be there for a few days but that to turn on skype because he would try to call later. Let me tell you I didn't think I would hear from him for a week, but was so happy to hear from him today!


Just so we know my emotions are all over the place, I breakdown when no one is around. Every time I am alone, I am crying. I refuse to get upset in from of my boys they are 7 and 5 years old, they so do not need that. I figure give me a few weeks and I will be dealing with this better. I think I am still reeling over he was just home for Christmas and went back to Mississippi January 2nd. Maybe if he hadn't been home than I would be better and not crying all the time. Who knows maybe I just need to keep busy. Couldn't hurt!


There are days where I wish I had my own house or apartment and could just be and do whatever I wished. Then there are days where I don't. But for now I will save money and work on getting our credit where it needs to be so that I can buy a house this summer. I am determined to be a home owner before the 2012/2013 school year starts in August, my children need a stable home, and I was a house for Jeff to come home to where he can just enjoy our family. Wishing that some how it would just happen for us, but I live in the real world and other people don't just buy you a house. It would be nice though!

An intro, a flight, and rambling

My name is Katie, my husband has been in the National Guard for 10 years. We have been married for eight years. A month after our wedding he left for his first deployment. To Iraq, at that point I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. That deployment seems so far away  now. This is our second deployment. For the last three months he has been training stateside at Camp Shelby and I have been at home with our two sons. I will not say it has been easy, but it was not as hard as I thought, but then again I could talk and text him everyday, except for that two weeks when he was in California at NTC (National Training Center).

Looking back the last three months have flown by. It didn't seem so at the time. I can only hope that the next 9 months will fly by.

Today, January 7th 2012, he left Mississippi for Afghanistan. I am barely holding it together. But as is my rule I will not cry in front of our sons. This will be hard enough for them, they don't need mommy breaking down. I talked to him this morning as they were waiting to board a plane... one thinks of waiting at the airport gate, this is not so for Active duty military waiting to go overseas for deployment, they waited in the airplane hangar, not chairs, just the cold cement floor. Granted I suppose it wouldn't help seeing hundreds of men and women in uniform with their guns, waiting to board a plane, but I don't necessarily think it's fair to them. They are after all protecting our country, freedom and lives.


I am not sure why I am writing this, but so far out of all the deployment books I've seen, I haven't seen one that I truly connect with. Most are written by active duty military wives, which normally I am not. Like I said Jeff is in the National Guard. Although I don't think the term "weekend warriors" is befitting of what my husband puts into this position as Staff Sergeant in the 237th BSB. There are times that he brings home papers to fill out, and is constantly on the phone with people above and below him. It is not just a one weekend a month and two weeks a year job.